Saturday, April 18, 2009

Political Elimidate: America Picks Her Mate

Here's a cool little piece that my buddy named Tom found...And yes, I know, Rush doesn't have a beard. So what?

America Seeks Restraining Order Against GOP
by Bernard Pliers

America is trying to call it quits with the GOP. She thought there was chemistry when they first met - he had that frat boy swagger and a cocksure attitude. The Democrats had seemed kind of dull, and America was ready for a change.

One of the first things she noticed was that GOP was always getting into fights. He sure hated foreigners, especially the Arabs, even though GOP depended on them for his businesses. And he really hated gays, Mexicans, and liberals.

And then there was the accusations. America realized that GOP was more than a little paranoid. He was always accusing her of being disloyal. Then he started spying on her. She wasn't sure what to make of it, but she kept hearing buzzing and clicking on her phone line.

And GOP was never very good with money. Weren't rich guys supposed to be good with money? But GOP was always broke, and he kept living the good life and sticking America with the bill.

America started finding kinky stuff in GOP's closet. There were some freaky videos of naked Arab guys - it looked like some sort of gay porn version of Oz on HBO. Then there were the stories about GOP having anonymous gay sex in airport bathrooms - but how could he be gay? He hated gays! Besides, he seemed so rugged, and he had a great beard.

They tried a trial separation in 2006, and things never got back on track. GOP started looking desperate and pathetic, and America realized just how freaking needy this guy was. That macho bullshit now looked like the posing of a dime store cowboy, and the classy ease of old money now just looked like a lazy sense of entitlement.

When America caught the GOP trying to clean out her bank account, that was the last straw. Apparently one of his frat brothers had gotten a job at AIG, and he talked GOP into some kind of crazy Ponzi scheme. GOP got threatening, and in 2008, she told him that they were done forever. "Oh you'll be back in 2010!" he yelled as she slammed the door behind him.

Then something happened that America never expected - she met a smart professional Black guy that swept her off her feet. Maybe she was on the rebound, maybe she was tired of GOP's aging frat boy bullshit. And he seemed so calm and reasonable. She was worried what her family would say, but Mom said "He's got my vote!"

But now things are getting weird. GOP has been back, trashing her Facebook page. Her friends tell her that he's been saying things like "If I can't have her, then nobody can have her." He's been talking about her new guy and using ethnic slurs. He always claimed to not be a bigot, but that is just so like him. It scares her. And GOP has some of his asshole frat brothers - Glenn with the crazy eyes, and that Texas jackass has supposedly been talking down about burning down America's house just because she broke up with GOP. She knew GOP could be weird, but she never knew he could get this crazy.

Source: Daily Kos

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Political Rhetoric

Georgetown + Obama + Religion

Personally, I find myself a little burnt out on the religion and politics dilemma, but this article was enlightening. Let me remind naysayers that part of any Faith is being open minded.

Common Sense vs. Tea-baggers

Yesterday at one of those silly tea-bagging fiestas, someone accidentally handed the mic to a person who made a little too much sense. LOL

The crowd boos at his remarks, completely exposing the fact that no one at these tea parties was actually protesting the economy, or taxes... just the fact that they're bitter because they got their asses kicked on November 4th.

Update: If you haven't laughed enough yet over all this tea party madness, I suggest you cruise on over to the blog of another Lefty's comrade, Ms. Andrea Watts, where the tea baggers are keeping it real. Great stuff.

98 Senators, 403 Congressmen.

Goodbye Texas.

P.S. it's illegal.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Clarence 'too many rights' Thomas

Last week, one of nine people who must interpret our Constitution admitted his befuddlement at how many rights we have. Clarence 'too many rights' Thomas remarked at a gathering (with children):
“Today there is much focus on our rights,” Justice Thomas said. “Indeed, I think there is a proliferation of rights.”
Good God. Really? As if that wasn't bad enough, apparently while day dreaming during oral arguments Thomas invented a Bill of Obligations and a Bill of Responsibilities:
“I am often surprised by the virtual nobility that seems to be accorded those with grievances,” he said. “Shouldn’t there at least be equal time for our Bill of Obligations and our Bill of Responsibilities?"
So Clarence Thomas thinks that two imaginary documents he invented deserve equal consideration to the Bill of Rights? And as if this wasn't all bad enough, apparently the sixty-year-old Thomas believes that dishwashers are magic!:
“I have to admit,” he said, “that I’m one of those people that still thinks the dishwasher is a miracle. What a device! And I have to admit that because I think that way, I like to load it. I like to look in and see how the dishes were magically cleaned.”
unfuckingbelievable. I propose at future confirmation hearings we inquire into whether the nominee understands the mechanics of hot water.

Though, we can all take solace in knowing that Clarence still hates us and his job - because we elected people who attacked him and he is still pissed two decades later:
“this endeavor,” he called it, “or, for some, an ordeal” — has not gotten easier. “That’s one thing about this job,” he said. “You get a little tired.

“Sometimes, when I get a little down,” Justice Thomas said wearily, he goes online. “I look up wonderful speeches, like speeches by Douglas MacArthur.
Here, Clarence is clearly talking in euphemism. I for one am looking forward to his next 'dear penthouse' letter, which is surly on the way.

Happy Tax Day, Lefties!

"Teabagging" Enters the PG-13 Mainstream American Lexicon on a Wacky Day.

With over 750 teabagging rallies happening today, I couldn't help but wonder how many people realize the original purpose of the Boston Tea Party.

Paul Begala, who calls tax day "Patriots Day" had this to say:
"So why are a bunch of Fox News clowns and right-wing cranks hosting "tea parties" all over the country? The Boston Tea Party, in case the clods at Fox didn't know it, protested "taxation without representation." Note the second word: without. The goofballs tossing tea bags today have representation. They voted in the election; they lost."
In some sense, if Conservatives keep this up, they'll make themselves look so bad that they really won't have representation (outside of the South, of course). The idea of a permanent Democratic majority has been tossed around before (not that I agree completely with the prognosis).

Let's take Richard Burr, Republican Senator from North Carolina, a man with an approval rating in the 30s. This is what he said to his wife:

“On Friday night, I called my wife and I said, ‘Brooke, I am not coming home this weekend. I will call you on Monday. Tonight, I want you to go to the ATM machine, and I want you to draw out everything it will let you take."

Foolish GOP Senator: "Let's have a run on the banks. Last one there is a rotten egg!"
see (Great Depression)

Oh, no, but the fun goes on...

Tea-baggers were dispersed and their rally shut down outside the White House because some fool tossed a package over the fence and into the WH lawn. Wow! I wonder if that bonehead move was worth it?

On the response side, WH Press Secretary Robert Gibbs laid the smack down, stating that the Obama Administration passed the biggest tax cut in history.
"You can speak to the organizers on whether they are contrived," said Gibbs. "I think the statistics I read are pretty clear. If you are one of the 95 percent of working families that earn, I think, less than $200,000 a year, you receive a tax cut. That's not contrived. Those are the facts... Maybe [the protesters] fall outside the window of making a quarter of a million dollars a year."
A tax cut. Passed with representation. What more do people want?

HUGE PROBLEM! None of this matters if the US is losing $100 Billion a year from offshore tax loopholes. Check out this table, showing how much your state is getting the shaft because of greedy Cayman Island scams:

If you'd like to learn more about tax loopholes and the general corruption of the system, I highly recommend Perfectly Legal by David Cay Johnston. I read it last summer and it opened my eyes to all kinds of flaws in our tax system. LEFTY'S RECOMMENDATION**


I was thinking about the teabaggers and the headlines they have dominated in today's papers, and it made me think about how lucky we are to be Americans. Halfway around the world, in a country (Afghanistan) that the United States has invaded, women are marching in the streets to protest a controversial law that some say would allow marital rape. They are marching so that their husbands cannot freely teabag them without proper consent.

Where our "goofball" television personalities fuel the fire, encouraging teabagging and what not, let us remember that we are privileged to be here, to have the liberties that others have provided for us, and to live in a society where teabagging means something more than a demeaning chauvanist sex act.

Let us recognize these women:

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Welcome to Crazy Town!!!

I tried to start this post about six different ways by now... the first 5 included the phrase "fucking crazies" at least a dozen times in the first couple sentences, and I'm really trying to stop swearing so much, so I'll settle for that one usage and see where this goes...

*Takes deep breath* . . . *exhales* ...sonofabitch. Still angry.

If you're wondering why your dear Lefty's contributer is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, well, let's just start with this:

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Oh, Shamrock, it's just Glenn Beck. He's just a huge fucking douchebag journalist entertainer who gets paid to say silly things. Don't get all worked up."

And you know, most of the time you would be right. But this kind of extremist rhetoric has reached a fever pitch over the last few days. And really... is there anything more literally un-American than calling for secession from the United States of America???

Now, earlier today I simply dismissed this as the "isolated ravings of a lunatic" and went about my day. But Jed Lewison over at Daily Kos had to go ruin my night:

Here's the video that made me stop doing my homework:

Okay, seriously guys... WTF!?! We've got Glenn Beck attempting to justify a state's right to secede from the Union, and the state of Texas "drawing a line in the sand" and asking Texans to chose sides... between what exactly? ...Their state, and their country!?! And really, just what fine legal institution did Mr. Beck earn his J.D. at to help him arrive at such a profound conclusion?

First of all, Texas, if you want to secede, fucking go for it. I triple dog dare you to. Let us evacuate our friends first... and maybe some cute cowgirls... and then I say you can have your state. See how great that works out for you once you rid yourselves of all our evil socialist programs like: social security; medicare; U.S. armed forces; border patrol; transportation funds; postal service; etc.

Does anyone else find it odd that when the G.O.P. narrowly wins an election it means they cry "Mandate!" but when they get their asses handed to them by the American people they cry, "Tyranny! Secede! Rebel!"???

Talk like this coming from people with such giant soap boxes is not funny, and it really shouldn't be given a break for just being "typical right-wing craziness" because frankly, one day, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the Republicans weren't extremists. And since they will most likely win another election in the next decade or two, I would really like to have that party back.

Talk like this has consequences. A couple weeks ago when Glenn Beck was spreading nonsense lies about some imaginary gun ban that President Obama was imposing, some whackjob went out and killed a few cops. A neighbor said that the killer was fearful of President Obama taking his guns. I don't blame Beck directly for this, but maybe I should. Beck knew that what he was saying wasn't true, but he said it anyway. There are plenty of crazy people in the world, and when you spread lies about the government coming to get people's guns, and then promote ideas like seceding from the country, well, what do you think is going to happen? The people who eat that shit up are going to take you seriously, and act on it. Even the Department of Homeland Security is concerned with the current economic and political climate leading to an increase in right-wing extremism and recruitment for radical organizations. Now before any conservatives get all defensive, this report was initiated before President Obama was even nominated, and the government regularly surveys the potential dangers posed by both left-wing and right-wing extremism (You can read the full report below).

In the meantime, I'm going to take a deep breath and try to pretend that people who claim to be serious politicians and have shows on a national news network don't actually talk like this. But alas, tomorrow is the grassroots FOX News sponsored "tax-day tea parties," and I'm sure that we'll be treated to a whole new dose of crazy by tomorrow afternoon.

Rightwing Extremism - Free Legal Forms

Monday, April 13, 2009

Arrrrrgh, Matey!!!

In case your head was buried in the sand for the last few days, Johnny Depp fans everywhere were treated to quite a show, when international relations combined with an epic Disneyland attraction culminating in the first pirate attack on a U.S. ship in... heck, I don't know... a couple centuries???

Anyhow, long story short: Pirates unsuccessfully attempted to capture a U.S. vessel and instead took the captain hostage resulting in a standoff between a lifeboat of 4 Somali Pirates and the United States Navy.

Pirates vs. U.S. Navy ...who do you think won?

Apparently there were quite a few people who must have looked at the Vegas odds on this one and decided to go for the long shot. I'm sure you can guess who these clowns were without much effort; but here it is anyway:

What's the deal with right-wingers assuming their own country's military couldn't deal with a handful of fisherman moonlighting as pirates? Are they rooting for America to fail? Are they trying to blame America first? You know each of these goobers would be throwing those kind of accusations at any liberal who made such stupid comments while President Bush was in the midst of dealing with a hostage situation.

President Obama handled this situation perfectly, keeping mum about any ongoing operation despite the whimpering of the fools above, and authorizing a special-ops team to rescue the captain, using deadly force if necessary.

But liberals are soft on defense, right? ...what a joke.

Welcome home, Captain Phillips!