Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hmm, I'm supposed to take the country back? What I'd rather be doing...


So it appears as if Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are about to start going on tour. That's right, they will be joining country singer John Rich's "Taking the Country Back" tour to promote conservative activism in America. This being the first concert series for the two (let's not mention Sarah Palin's last disastrous America-wide tour, when she was touring with The Mavericks), there is naturally a lot of pressure to compete with similiar Left-leaning concert tours that will be premiering this year (hey, it's an election year).

It will be a wonderful night full of whiskey, plaid shirts, chalkboards & snow machines. Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin should fit in the crowd nicely (one having never gone to college, and the other being unemployed). Also both have books out -- can you say cross-synergy?!

No i'm just kidding, haha promoting a book at a country concert. haha rednecks reading.

Okay, but anyway, some of your friends may ask you to go to such an event. Maybe they scored free tickets and they want a friend to come along with them. You don't want to seem rude, so I have prepared for everyone a list of excuses you can give to get out of going to this concert.

1. Sorry, I was planning to go to the DMV that day. For shits.

2. Ooo I can't. I've scheduled an evening of drinking bleach. I can't cancel again.

3. Sorry I have dinner plans tonight. With anybody.

4. Fuck, you know what, I'd love to. But I was planning on sharing needles that Saturday.

5. What day is it? Oh no, that day won't work. I have to catch a flight -- to war torn Iraq.

6. yeah, yeah I can definitely make it! Oh wait, I promised my dog I'd have sex with it.

7. No I can't. I promised Ann Coulter I'd have sex with it.

8. Oh no I can't. I promised Tiger and his wife I'd be their marriage counselor that evening.

9. ooo, you know what. it's laundry day and I only have my Che Guevera shirt.

10. Oooh man I'd love to. But Bristol Palin has a restraining order against me.

11. Sure I'll come. Is it cool if I bring my boyfriend Achmed?

Any of those excuses should just about do the trick. You're welcome.

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3 comments:

ShamRockNRoll said...

BAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Dude, Bristol, so stoked you're writing for us now! I won't tell your mom as long as you don't tell her about the true results of that paternity test. ;)

ShamRockNRoll said...

Okay, I just actually read this in its entirety... FUCKING HILARIOUS! Welcome, Bristol, to Lefty'sLastCry.com

Andrea Watts said...

Ah yes, the Canadian.

Nice comedic relief.

Whenever I hear the word synergy I think of Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock..